I’ve always been very slim if not skinny at times but, because my thighs have always been somewhat bigger than my upper body, people thought that was just the way my body was built and that I was healthy.
The truth is, I’ve been dealing with small stages of depression since the age of 15. I would always get myself out of them and feel good so I’d have an appetite and gain some weight then fall back in my dark times and lose what I just gain.
Being depressed is hard, when I was dealing with it back then, I remember I would only care for 1 meal per day - those were the days I actually ate.
My diet consisted of toasts, cereals, eggs (when I had the energy to stand in front of the stove) then my favorite peanut butter toasts and hot chocolate.
Or I’d just not eat anything at all during the day, wait for my mom to come around 6 pm and eat whatever she was cooking that day.
Pretty decent diet right? There’s cereals, lots of milk and all that good stuff. (Sarcasm)
When I googled “eating disorder” there was a lot of signs described and often I could only relate to one or two like “weight is constantly fluctuating”.
Why isn’t there signs for my kind of disorder? Or does it just fall under the depression category so I should just start looking up depression again?
First of all, I think we need to know what an eating disorder is.
“Some of the common themes with all eating disorders are:
The individual’s relationship with food is strained. Some individuals with eating disorders report that everything regarding food is very restrictive and rigid, while other individuals report feeling out of control while eating.The person’s perception of their body is impacted based on their relationship with food and movement. Many times, individuals are not able to accurately view and perceive their body, which results in significant body image disturbances.Their relationship with food, their body and movement start to impact their relationship with people in their life. Loved ones will often feel helpless because they want to help but feel like they are unable to do so due to an individual’s own denial or resistance to change the relationship that they have with their body.”
They also described several types of eating disorders so I guess I fall under the category of:
“Other specified eating or feeding disorder (OSFED): which involves individuals that meet a combination of criteria for different eating disorders.”
If you care to read the full article here is the link to where I got my information from.
The feeling is indescribable honestly, at times I wanted to eat but I was sooooo tired, or sometimes I just was not in the mood.
I knew my face was pretty so it’s not that I didn’t find myself beautiful but I felt like my body was way too skinny.
I used to date this complete asswhole who would ask for nudes and when I’d finally bring myself to send them he would comment on how skinny I looked in the pictures.
Can you imagine what that does to a 16 year old’s mental?
I finally noticed small changes around 2014 when I started coming back regularly in Haiti. I’d have no issues with eating, I’d have 3 meals a day without even realizing that I was eating that much.
Because guess what? Your girl was happy and NOT depressed.
However, what happens when you can’t stay where you’re happy all the time? What are the tips to eventually cure an eating disorder?
This is a picture of me back in summer 2018.
I remember I was talking to a guy around that time and his friend told him that he saw this picture and he doesn’t know what happened to me ’cause that’s not how he remembers me from 9 months prior.
Dude, I was sick, can’t a girl catch a break?!
And this picture is when I just got to Haiti in November 2018.
One thing we can still agree on is your girl was serving LOOKS Regardlessssss!!!!
Now, here are the few tips I thought would help if you’re trying to recover on your own.
-Don’t beat yourself up. It’s okay to feel the way you feel as long as you realize that you have a problem.
-Don’t blame people around you. Unless someone is willingly trying to hurt you. You shouldn’t blame anyone for what is currently happening to you. No matter how inconsiderate this may sound, people have their own lives and it’s hard to be supportive when you dont understand something or you don’t know anything about it.
-Ask for help, Accept the help. I know I mentioned this before but I will never get tired of telling you this. I told a friend of mine that I was having trouble eating and she texted everyday during last summer to remind me to eat. Even if it was just toasts. Again, it’s not because she told me to eat that made the difference, it’s the fact that she cared about my health when I didn’t that meant the world to me.
-It’s not a secret, so Talk about it. You have a problem, accept it and do something about it as much as you can.
-Leave the toxic environnement. Try as much as possible to avoid anything that makes you unhappy. If it’s where you live (like me) move somewhere else, if it’s not as easy as it sounds find a place that makes you happy within the environment you can’t stand.
-Don’t rush the process.
-Do everything that makes you happy.
-If it gets to that point, get professional treatment.
This me in January 2019.
You can already see the difference in my waist size compared to the first picture and even in my thighs.
I believe I came a long way in a very small amount of time and it’s really because I’m home and I’m extremely happy.
There’s still some work left to be done because I need it to to be constant but, with patience I know Ill reached the appropriate weight for my age and height.
If you are dealing with some kind of disorder and would like to talk to me about it, know that I’m always here to listen and reminding you to eat if it’s the little push you need.
I would like to thank you all for reading and I’m dedicating this article to Saskya Altiery for being there when I needed someone.
This was “Why can’t you just eat?”,
written by, UrFavBlogger.
Pouki ou jus pa manje?
Mwen son moun ki te toujou mens, m ka konsidere mwen te mèg tou. Sa k vin rive, kuis mwen te toujou gen ti gwosè donk moun te panse e te gwosè nòmal mwen, yo panse m te an sante.
Depi m gen 15 an m ap jere on ekip stad depresyon ki rive nan lavi m. Mwen toujou ede tèt mwen soti ladan yo, ki fè ke m te kon manje plis, kounye a lè m vin tonbe nan depresyon ankò m vin pèdi ti pwa m te pran an.
Depresyon se yon bagay ki du anpil, m sonje li konn tèlman afekte m m, m te konn manje on gren fwa nan jounen an, sa se jou m te resi manje yo. E pi tou, ki manje?
Pen, kònflèks ak lèt, zeu lè m te gen kouraj kuit li. Sa m te pi renmen an se te pen manba ak chokola.
Gen de fwa tou, m pa manje anyen nan jounen an, m tann manman sot travay bò zòn 6 zè e pi m manje sa l fè an.
Lè m fè rechèch sou entènèt pou m konpran sa k t ap rive m nan, m pat janm te ka jwen on definisyon ekzak de sa m t ap viv lan. Mwen te kon wè de, twa ekzanp men se pat sa ekzakteman.
Donk kisa ki ta pase m menm?
Premye bagay pou n konpran, se yon maladi li ye. Lè w rive nan on stad kote ou pa gen anvi manje, ou manje yon ti kras tou piti e pi ou bon ou byen ou grangou ou pa gen kouraj leve. E paske ou malad.
Maladi sa ka vini sou tout fòm, men sa ki pi jeneral yo se:
-ou bay tèt ou limit pou manje.
-ou manje apre sa w al fè tèt ou vomi.
-ou bay tèt ou limit paske ou pa renmen jan kò w fèt la ou byen ou manje anpil paske ou gen yon vid on kote donk ou esaye “manje” emosyon w.
Gen anpil faktè ki rantre nan maladi sa e gen anpil kategori pou n eseye konpran kisa ki defini l.
Si nou alèz ak anglè, m ap ban n lyen pou n ka li definisyon ekzak yo sinon m ap just eseye esplike nou janm kapab.
Lyen enfòmasyon an: https://www.alsana.com/what-is-an-eating-disorder-types-of-eating-disorders/?gclid=CjwKCAiAyfvhBRBsEiwAe2t_i3qhJ9NjMfy8als12dESSm5LHoKJ7ovDlA-c_KAc4I23dkGnNQv2IxoCndAQAvD_BwE
Maladi sa fè w santi on jan menm si w ta vle esplike on moun pou l konpran ou li pap kapab a mwens moun lan viv li tou. Ou konn anvi manje men ou telman fatige ou pa ka leve fè anyen. De fwa ou just pas anvi anyen ditou.
M konen mte bèl tifi men m te kon ap gad kò m e pi m vin santi m mal paske m te twò mèg. Pou mwen li te evidan ke m te malad.
Mwen te gen yon menaj ki te yon malpwote lè m te gen 16 an, li te konn mande m fè foto pou li apre sa li fè vye komantè sou gwosè m e pi li ri m. Jus imajine kijan sa vin aji sou mantal mwen ak jan mwen vin wè tèt mwen.
Mwen vin wè on chanjman lè m vin komanse rantre Ayiti pi souvan an 2014. M pat gen pwoblèm pou m manje twa fwa nan yon jounen e m pat menm reyalize jan m t ap manje anpil lan.
Poukisa? Paske mte kontan e m pat nan depresyon.
Men kounye a, sa k vin rive lè ou paka ret kote ki fè kè w kontan an tout tan? Ki konsey nou ka jwen si nou ta vle geri tèt nou de maladi sa?
Sa se yon foto ane pase, nan mwa dout 2018 Ak yon foto m novanm 2018 lè m te fèk antre Ayiti.
M ap ban nou ti konsey mwen wè ki mache pou mwen e m panse yo ka ede nou tou, si n ap viv sa m t ap viv lan.
-Pa blame tè ou. Anpil fwa nou tonbe malad e pi se nou menm ki lakoz men maladi tankou sa yo, se pa janm ou menm ki responsab e premye bagay pou w konen se sa.
-Pa blame moun nan antouraj ou. Se pa fòt moun ki nan lavi w yo. A mwens gen yon moun ki chita k ap fè w mal, se pa fòt ankèn moun si yo pa konpran sa k ap rive w lan o swa si yo pa konn kijan pou yo ede w.
-Mande on moun ede w, aksepte èd la. Fòk nou gen kouraj aksepte sa k ap rive s e pi mande on moun ede nou. Lè gen yon moun ki aksepte fè l aksepte èd la. Mwen te gen yon zanmi m ki te kon ekri m chak jou pou l fè m sonje manje. Menm si de fwa m pat sou sa, mwen te fè efò an paske li te prete atansyon a sante m lè mwen menm mwen pat fè l.
-Se pa yon sekrè li ye, pale. Pa kenbe sa k ap rive w la pou ou. Si w pa pale, pa gen moun k ap konen pou yo ede w.
-Kite tout sa ki pa bon nan anvironman w. Fè chanjman, depi on bagay pa bon pou ou, retire l nan lavi w ou byen pati. M konen konsey sa gen dwa pi fasil pou m di ke pou m fè l, men li esansyèl nou esye o swa nou chache on jan jwen on bagay ki fè kè n kontan nan move anvironman sa.
-Pa prese pwogrè w ap fè a. Menm si se ti pa ti pa w ap fè depi w ap vanse sou wout gerizon an pa chache prese l.
-Fè tout sa ki fè kè w kontan.
-Si li rive nan stad sa, chache konsey on profesyonèl.
Sa se mwen jodya.
Nou ka wè komanse gen ti chanjman nan tay mwen. Mwen sòt lwen e m ap travay toujou pou rive nan gwosè on moun wotè m ak laj mwen ta sipoze genyen.
M ap ankouraje nou ekri m si nou bezwen pale o swa si nou jus vle on moun fè n sonje manje.
M ap remèsye n dèske nou li atik sa e m ap pwofite dedikase atik sa bay zanmi m ki te ede m lan Saskya Altiery.
Sa se te “Poukisa ou jus pa manje?”,
on atik, Urfavblogger.
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